Well, it has been five years since dad committed suicide today. I have been down, and it hasn't been just that (although I am still not sure what else it is). Maybe it is just that it has been so dreary here for so long. It is pouring down rain outside (in December?!?!?) and is expected to turn to ice this afternoon/evening. I am still mad at dad that he did this. I know that he was pretty down with everything but I never expected him to do this. When my sister called me and told me he was dead and I asked how, she said well, I am sure you can guess- I said heart attack? Well, I just found out last week why I had no idea. Turns out he had called Jen one night saying that he had a gun to his head- and I only found out last week by accident. I was living in Kansas City at the time and I don't know why no one called me about it. If i had known that I would have called him more, or something. I don't know.
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