Five years already

Well, it has been five years since dad committed suicide today. I have been down, and it hasn't been just that (although I am still not sure what else it is). Maybe it is just that it has been so dreary here for so long. It is pouring down rain outside (in December?!?!?) and is expected to turn to ice this afternoon/evening. I am still mad at dad that he did this. I know that he was pretty down with everything but I never expected him to do this. When my sister called me and told me he was dead and I asked how, she said well, I am sure you can guess- I said heart attack? Well, I just found out last week why I had no idea. Turns out he had called Jen one night saying that he had a gun to his head- and I only found out last week by accident. I was living in Kansas City at the time and I don't know why no one called me about it. If i had known that I would have called him more, or something. I don't know.

New 'Do

So I FINALLY got my hair cut, lol. It has only been 10 months since the last time I got it cut! So I took off about that much in inches- somewhere between 10-12 inches actually, lol. I really like it though- It takes a bit longer to do in the morning but I never did anything with it before and now I can so that is a nice change. Pics will be coming as soon as I figure out how to get them on here! I am sure James will be shocked- I didn't tell him- he will be here the end of this week sometime.

Feeling down lately

And I am not even sure why. Just been kinda down. It may be stress from the holidays rapidly approaching. It could be because tomorrow will have been 5 years since dad killed himself. It could be because my marriage is not what it should be. It could be that my life is not what I imagined. I really have no idea if it is any one of those things, or all of them all rolled up in one. I feel like I never do enough for the kids (even when people tell me that I do). I am hoping that this blah feeling goes away very soon cause I really truly hate feeling like this :( Maybe tonight I will figure out this thing and how to put more pictures on, lol.